


The Black Cowboy Hat

by Nelle816



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 20:47:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18582307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelle816/pseuds/Nelle816
Summary: The first time Isobel had seen Max in his deputy uniform, complete with its creamy Stetson, she’d decided that Michael was the black hat to Max’s white.





	The Black Cowboy Hat

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: All the ways Michael’s black hat has witnessed Michael’s feelings for Alex over the years.
> 
> I saw the prompt on tumblr, but I can't remember where. I filled it. Ends at 1x04. No mention of Texas or Finale.

2011

Isobel was the one who bought Michael’s black cowboy hat. When they were 21, Max had become a deputy sheriff. The first time Isobel had seen him in his new uniform, complete with its creamy Stetson, she’d decided that Michael was the black hat to Max’s white.  Michael had rolled his eyes when she dragged him into the western wear shop that was far enough off main street to not carry green alien clothing. He was working on a ranch, already dressed in worn jeans and cowboy boots. His small collection of ball caps were all looking really grungy, so he figured he’d just keep the new hat for nice.  

Later, after an inordinate amount of fussing, measuring and the shopkeeper climbing all over the store room, Michael thought the whole process was becoming more like Harry getting a wand than buying a damn hat.  He’d tried on what felt like a hundred styles and colors and was ready to tell them he was done. Then Izzy had gasped, the shop keeper had smiled, and when Michael had turned to the mirror, he realized it was exactly like Harry getting his wand: Magical.

 

2012

Michael was wearing the black hat when Noah and Isobel got married. The sun was setting over the desert behind them. Max was sitting with his parents and holding his mom’s hand. Michael was sitting a couple rows behind him next one of their cousin named Lexi or Nancy or something silly.  His gaze kept catching on a guy on Noah’s side of the aisle. From the back, the dark hair looked a lot like Alex. Everyone in attendance seemed to be enraptured with the couple or daydreaming about their own special day. Michael just felt alone, isolated and forgotten. He pulled the hat low, using the setting sun as an excuse to hide his eyes.  He sneaked a look at the dark haired man again and it made his chest ache. He balled his hands into fists until his left cramped and he welcomed the pain.

At the reception Michael drank too much tequila and woke up with the leggy blonde cousin who teased him about thinking her name was Alexi.

 

2014

Michael straddled the stool and sat down at the Crash Down counter. Arturo waved from the pass through window and asked, “The usual?”

“Yes Please” Michael waved back and reached to slide the local daily paper closer.  He scanned the headlines until a picture on the fold caught his attention. It was a color picture of three airmen in Class A uniforms.  He flipped the paper open to see the whole picture. It was Alex, standing at attention next to two other men. The headline underneath stated that local graduate was awarded honors.  Michael couldn’t help but smile as he read article. The writer touched on Alex’s years of service and his recent active duty tour in Afghanistan. There was even a quote from the young airman about how it was an exciting time to be working in cyber security and that he felt lucky to be able to serve his country doing work he enjoyed.

It had been almost six years since Michael had seen Alex. He also wasn’t very friendly with anyone who was in contact with Alex, so he hadn’t heard much news in that time either. He’d overheard some snippets from Maria at the bar if she happened to be sharing with other customers who knew Alex, but it wasn’t enough.  

Just then the waitress dropped off his burger and fries.  Michael quickly refolded the front page, set it on the stool next to him and dropped his black cowboy hat down on it. He made himself slowly eat his meal and at least pretend to read the rest of the paper.  When he was finished, he paid his bill with a grubby $10 and palmed the paper with his hat.

Out in his truck he reread the article yet again, smiling with pride at Alex’s accomplishments, but also wondering what the young man had seen while he was away at war. Hopefully he’d been mostly safe behind a computer screen.  Michael breathed a sigh of relief at knowing Alex was back safe in the states now. When he got back to his new-to-him Airstream trailer, Michael taped the article into the back of one of his research notebooks.

 

2017

Michael had been to “family” dinner at Isobel’s house. All she had to drink was wine and even that she’d stopped pouring him after two glasses. He needed something less fruity, so he stopped at the Wild Pony on his way home.  He could tell something wasn’t right as soon as he walked in the door. Maria was obviously upset and pacing with a phone in her hand. Michael sat down next to another regular at the bar and bumped his shoulder.

“What’s up with DeLuca?” He pointed his chin down the bar at Maria.

The townie harrumphed and threw back the last of his beer. “Says some guy was hurt in Iraq. Claims she knows due to some psychic thing.  She’s been on the phone calling his father and texting his brothers for the last hour. Poor bastards. She’s probably just…” He continued to grumble, but Michael wasn’t listening anymore.   He moved down the bar, pulling his black cowboy hat from his head as he went. He curled the soft brim in his hands as he tried to settle himself closer to where Maria paced. It had to be Alex that had Maria all worked up. Had he really been hurt?  Michael hadn’t even known he’d been deployed again, let alone to Iraq. He was supposed to be working with computers, safe in a base somewhere, not out where there was actual fighting!

Michael made himself toss his hat down on its crown and stop fiddling with the rim before he permanently damaged it. He signaled the other bartender, a young woman who kept glancing at Maria with wide, scared eyes, and asked for a beer. As soon as he had bottle in his hands he gripped it tight and listened hard to what Maria was rambling to herself. He kept his eyes on his hat, not daring to look up at her tears for fear he’d start crying himself.

After what seemed like hours, Maria’s phone chirped loudly. She scrambled to unlock the phone she’d finally managed to set down.

“He’s going to be okay!” she exclaimed. “He _was_ injured!  I knew it! But they said he’s stable now.”  The other bartender wrapped Maria up in a hug and she collapsed against her, obviously drained. “I just felt it, you know?” She rambled for the dozenth time. “But now that I know he’s not dead, I can breath again.”  

Michael dropped his head onto his arms and breathed deeply.  He knew exactly what she meant. He counted as he breathed in and out, trying to let go of the knots in his stomach that made him want to puke. Alex might have left him behind long ago, but Michael still took comfort in knowing Alex was alive somewhere on the planet.

Maria told her friend that she had Alex’s email address and that she was going to go in the back and write him a long letter about how he better recover or she’d kick his ghostly ass. Michael choked back a bark of laughter and rubbed his face on his hands before he raised his head off the bar.  He jammed his hat down low over his eyes and left the last of his cash on the bar to mostly cover his beer. All eyes were on Maria and he was able to sneak out of the bar without anyone questioning why he wasn’t staying longer.

Back at Fosters Ranch, he walked past his trailer and out into the scrub.  The moon and stars were bright in the clear sky and he had no trouble navigating the familiar terrain.  He walked until he found the spot where he and Alex had slept out under the stars that summer after graduation.  He thought about how those were the only nights he hadn’t been out here searching the stars for a way to escape. He laid down on the ground with one knee bent up.  He dropped his hat on his knee and put his hands behind his head to look up at those stars. That night Michael wasn’t looking for a connection to his family, but for the same hope and belonging he’d found those few nights he hadn’t been out here alone.

 

2018

Alex had come to him that last day out at Fosters Ranch. Alex had also lead him into the Airstream and had pulled Michael into a desperate kiss. Later, he’d left while he thought Michael was asleep. Alex had driven out to Sanders’ Auto two nights later with beer on his breath and a pleading look in his eyes. Alex kept coming back like that every two or three nights. It was almost like that summer they’d spent together, sneaking away every chance they got to kiss and explore all the ways their bodies fit together.

Michael tried not to think about the future or where this was leading because Alex had always been the one to walk away. Michael didn’t know how to ask him to stay, so he just kept giving him anything he asked for. It wasn’t hard. Michael had never been able to deny Alex anything since that day at the museum. It might make him queasy with anxiety every morning he woke up alone, but on the nights Alex came back, everything was easy.

The fifth time Alex showed up on his doorstep, with a pizza and a smile this time, Michael had just grinned and taken the flat box that smelled like heaven. They’d continued grinning over the slices they shared in the Airstream’s microscopic kitchen, and Michael couldn’t shake the feeling Alex was up to something.

Later they’d stretched out together, kissing, touching and stroking until Alex had pushed himself up and twisted around to take Michael in his mouth. He’d shuddered with pleasure as Alex worked him over with tongue and fingers until Michael was clutching at anything within reach and too distracted to even try to reciprocate. Alex sat up then, and Michael couldn’t stop the desperate whine that fell from his lips even as Alex tugged at his grasping hands and pulled him up to a sitting position too.  

“I want you to ride me, Guerin.” His husky voice was even deeper than usual and his breath raised goosebumps on Michael’s overly hot skin. Curls flapping, he scrambled to comply, pushing Alex down on the thin mattress and swinging his own legs around to straddle him.

“Wait.” Alex gasped. “The hat.”  

Michael paused in confusion, and Alex pointed behind him to where his black cowboy hat sat on the counter by the door. Michael let out a choked laugh, but he grabbed it and jammed it on his head.  

“When did you develop a cowboy kink?” He asked as he leaned down to kiss his way up Alex’s chest. The other man tugged at Michael’s hips, urging him to get on with it.

“Last night when you wore it into the bar.” Alex responded between quick, needy bites at Michael’s shoulders. “Now get up here. I want to see you.”  

Drunk on the lust in Alex’s eyes, Michael gave him a wicked grin as he obeyed. He arched his back and stretched as they started to move together, eyes closed, reaching up to touch the cupboards overhead and putting himself on display as requested. It was warm in the trailer and the muted light from the yard lights outside gleamed off his sweaty skin. He moved like a bronco rider, feeling Alex writhe beneath him, following the bucks and heaves. Even leaned back and undulating, he could feel Alex all around, in him, on him, hands roaming, breath fast and hot. It was the most exquisite feeling to chase his release while completely swallowed up by another person’s want and desire. Michael knew he was addicted to that feeling. Addicted to being wanted.

The next morning Michael woke up to find that Alex hadn’t gone home, and that was like every Christmas morning he’d never had as a kid. Even better than any shiny packages were the kisses and caresses that told him it wasn’t just because Alex had overslept. An extra glimmer of hope sparked in Michael’s chest and he couldn’t not touch Alex’s dusky skin.

Then Isobel had arrived and Alex had freaked. The spark died. The mirage of Christmas faded away. Michael tried not to be annoyed at being a dirty little secret, at the shattering of his one idyllic morning, at the way his hat was probably crushing the brim in that box on the counter where it had landed the night before. He hiked up his pants and pushed all the feelings down. This was his life. This had always been his life. He was stupid to let himself believe that one morning after meant that much. It hurt, but he knew he’d take whatever he could get from Alex, like always.


End file.
